i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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