All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
