i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
