Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
