I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
