I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
