i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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