it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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