Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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