I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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