he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
