I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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