And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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