He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
