haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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