mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
