Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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