one might say we're banned from that church
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
