weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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