We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
