just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
