She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
