FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
