at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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