We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
