We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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