Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
