I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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