saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
