I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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