I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
