Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
