I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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