The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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