Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
