You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
