What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I need to calm my uterus...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
