i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
