I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
