it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
