you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
