There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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