shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
