4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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