we have pet lesbian snakes
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the day after is always just damage control
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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