Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Your penis caused this!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
