We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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