Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
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She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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