Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
