I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
