We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
