I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
