they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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