Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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