I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
