this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
