Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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