I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
