actually, I'm a sock model
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
