Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
