That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
