I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
