im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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