I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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