Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
