: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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