Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize