I'm going to jail i love you
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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