just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
