A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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