woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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