Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Four minutes until I can fart!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
