Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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