If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
