Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
