New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
