D3 body, D1 cock
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
